The Boots of Buffalo Leather

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There was once a soldier called Trousers, who wasn't scared of anything. But when the army retired he was left without a job. Poor Trousers had been in the army all his life and didn't know how to do anything except kill people in the first degree. He tried getting a job as a baker but tried to kill the loafs of bread, he tried getting a job as a gardener but tried using the loarn mower as a weapon, and so one and so on. So he was left pennyless with only two things, one was a pair of boots made of buffalo leather, the other was a magic trick he could do on Thursdays which had been given to him by a troll which he accepted in return to stop trashing the troll to a spec. One day Trousers found himself lost in the woods when he saw a sad crying man in polished leather shoes and a green coat sitting by a tree. Trousers thought about killing the man but realised it wouldn't be polite without first saying hello. So Trousers gave 'Shiny Boots' a friendly poke in the eye and 'G'day' and then